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The Lion, the Tiger, and the Ass

James Altucher

Posted June 22, 2022

James Altucher

Ignoring the noise is a superpower.

My mental health ALWAYS depends on how much I can ignore the noise.

That’s why — confession time — I kind of enjoy bear markets in crypto. (Or, at least, I tolerate them much better than most.) It’s a lot easier to cut through the noise.

There’s a story, what I’m calling “The Lion, the Tiger, and the Ass,” that was shared in my friend group this morning. It relates to this superpower.

It goes like this…

One day, the donkey told the tiger, “The grass is blue.”

The tiger replied, “No, the grass is green.”

The argument got so heated that the two decided to approach the lion.

As they approached the lion’s throne, the donkey screamed: “Your highness, isn’t it true that the grass is blue?”

The lion shrugged and said: “If you believe it is true, then the grass is blue.”

The donkey screamed: “The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me, and annoys me. Please punish him!”

“The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence,” said the lion.

The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, taunting the tiger, “The grass is blue! The grass is blue!”

The tiger looked up at the lion and asked: “Your majesty, why have you punished me? You know the grass is green.”

The lion said: “You’ve also known and seen the grass is green.”

“Then why the punishment?” the tiger asked.

“The punishment,” said the lion, “has nothing to do with the grass. It’s because a brave, intelligent creature like you would spend your valuable time arguing with an ass. And, on top of that, you came and bothered me with that fool, just to validate something you knew was true.”

It’s a timeless lesson, but even more relevant in our own social media-fueled day: .

Never waste time on arguments that don’t make any sense.

Some people don’t care about the truth. Others are blinded by ego, hatred, and resentment.

Ignorance is its own form of punishment. There’s no need for you to waste your time.

That’s one thing that keeps people from success: arguing with asses.

Today, James joins us below with nine more things.

Read on.


James Altucher


If you are sick all the time, you won’t be successful at a business. When I was a venture capitalist, I would never invest money in a guy hooked up to a ventilator.

Or even if I suspected they were clinically depressed (which I often was).

Many people avoid second dates if they find out on the first date the girl has late-stage terminal cancer. This is sad but reality.

Put good things in your body. Exercise. Don’t drink. Sleep eight hours a day. That’s it.

Then you probably won’t get sick as much and you’ll have a lot of energy to do your business. If you’re sick in bed all the time, your business will fail. Sometimes sickness might also be telling you something.

When I worked for a private equity firm I fell once for no reason and could barely walk for a week or so afterwards.

My body was telling me something. I should’ve been fine but my body fell. I quit the next day and had energy for the next opportunity.


I went out for dinner a few months ago with people who couldn’t stop talking, eating, and drinking. One person had business ideas. The other person wanted to write a novel.

All night long drinking, eating, talking about business ideas, talking about writing novels. Talking, eating, drinking, talking, walking, drinking again, talking more. Then you sleep. Wake up at 10.

Bloated, sick, heavy.

If you want to succeed, you first have to get up and start. You can’t watch Shark Tank — you have to be the shark. Don’t waste time. Start NOW. No more stuffing your face. No more parties at high-tech meet-ups with lots of social media experts.

You know you only want to have sex with a social media expert. Stop lying about it. Start your business.


You need to have a real passion behind the product you are creating.

Would YOU use the product? If you wouldn’t, or if you are not sure, then you have doubts. Steve Jobs WANTED an iPad, an iPod, an iEverything.

Doubts will make you fail because you won’t be able to make critical design decisions.

With one business I started, Stockpickr, I was obsessed with putting in new features. But EVERY single feature had to be something that would make me personally want to use the site more.


I am lazy. I admit it. I like to watch TV and play games. I like to hang out with friends. Everyone is lazy some of the time.

If I am bored with something, I’m lazy.

But with a startup, or if you are trying to move up in the corporate world, or if you are falling in love with someone, you can’t be lazy. She wants to go tango. You want to watch Jay Leno.

You’re a lazy pig. Go dancing!

Treat your money like you love it. Don’t be lazy about it. Or she’ll find someone else to tango with.

This doesn’t mean work 100 hours a week. This doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself to succeed. But it does mean you have to work on all aspects of your life that give you energy — physical health, emotional health, creative health, spiritual health — so you can make smart, creative decisions when you need to.

So you can sell with enthusiasm. Negotiate with conviction. Manage the details. Constantly have new ideas.

And when you have put in the time, rejuvenate with good downtime. Go tango dancing.


If your programmers present you a final product, you still have to check every page, click on everything, click on everything fast and twice, don’t forget a birthday or an anniversary, don’t forget everything your boss told you or everything the client wanted.

Be detail oriented.

Persistent carelessness equals consistent failure.


Always wondering: Is this the right business? Or should I back up and start fresh with a new idea?

Don’t be constantly stuck in the middle of a decision. Then you are blocked.

If you’re stuck in too many middles, you get sliced up into bits of broken glass.

Your businesses implode, your relationships have to start back at zero. You vacillated and ended up with nothing. Congratulations.


One business I once started didn’t seem to get any traction. I had no signups. Very few people were using it. Nobody cared. I raised $1 million. But I was physically shaking the next day. My body was again telling me this was not going to work.

Nothing bad was happening. I just knew that no progress meant this business idea was not going to work. I returned all the money. At first I felt like a failure. I failed “yet again!”

But ultimately returning the money on the eve of failure created much goodwill and led to greater success later. This is not about the success of one business or failure. This is about the success of you.

Even profitable companies sometimes have no progress and have to be rethought. This happened to me with my fund of hedge funds. This has happened to me with some podcasts I have started. This has happened to me with books I started writing, even when I was 200 pages in.

But “no progress” is ultimately a great signal to take a step back, and even another step back, and go in a totally different direction.

Persistence will get you nowhere if you keep running into a wall.


People start a business, and they think it’s the best geo-locator mobile dating discount app in the universe.

“It’s called ‘6th Circle’ because its a play on Foursquare and the sixth circle of Dante’s Inferno. We’re going to do five deals with major sidewalk companies in China to get the word out. The market is $18 billion in profits if we get everyone in Shanghai to pay 10 cents a day.”

Every day check the ashtray. Is there crack in there? Delusions will keep you from making progress.

There is something called “optimism bias” but I call it “smoking crack bias.” We always think the project we are doing is the BEST. We become delusional.

Then suddenly, no money, no friends, no more PR, and you’re on your bed smoking your last piece of crack hanging onto the lonely panties of the last hooker who left you by yourself, not even bothering to dress as she slammed the door on the way out. This is your mind on crack.


You’re losing clients. Your best programmer quit. Your traffic is going down. Your girlfriend is not returning your calls. Your boss promoted someone over you.

Time to get creative now. You need to think out of the box. Again, this is just an obstacle. Not a failure.

Learn from it. Adjust.

Experience is curriculum. Always.


Focus on these four items every day:

Physical health: Eat, move, sleep well.

Emotional health: Avoid toxic people. Be around people who you love and who love you.

Creative health: Write down 10 ideas a day. Exercise the idea muscle. Within six months you will be like a super hero. An idea machine.

Spiritual health: Every day, never obsess over the things you can’t control. This saves enormous energy.

TRUST that this daily practice works. It works for me.



James Altucher
For Altucher Confidential

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