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The Sorting Hat of “Sh*tcoins”

The Sorting Hat of “Sh*tcoins”

Chris Campbell

Posted October 07, 2025

Chris Campbell

Every few decades, markets reinvent themselves.

Stocks did it in the 1950s when dividends turned speculation into retirement income.

Bonds did it in the 1980s when double-digit Treasuries lured the world’s capital.

And indices did it in the 1990s—when Jack Bogle’s “buy the whole market” revolution took the market by storm.

Now crypto is following the same trajectory as capital markets…

But on fast-forward.

Yesterday, we’re seeing how Ethereum staking is speedrunning the yield product.

What’s next?

Altcoins—also known to some as “sh*tcoins”—speedrunning the great capital sorting hat: the index.

The Sorting Hat of Crypto

For years, most investors watched from the sidelines. Crypto was too wild, too weird, too unregulated.

Then came the ETFs—and suddenly, it became allocatable.

Now the SEC’s generic listing standards let exchanges approve new crypto ETFs in 75 days—no special exemptions needed.

Many analysts (ourselves included) expect over 100 new ETFs in the next year. That includes Solana, Avalanche, XRP, and many others.

The next big thing? Altcoin index ETFs. Funds that hold baskets of cryptos and let investors “buy the market.”

Bloomberg’s James Seyffart calls it the “indexification of crypto.”

And it’s already here.

Just this morning, S&P announced a new benchmark called the Digital Markets 50 (DM50).

The index will combine 15 major cryptocurrencies + 35 crypto blockchain-related stocks (companies involved in crypto operations, infrastructure, etc.).

While ETFs give access, indices are a completely different beast. They give PERMISSION.

“Advisers love indices,” Seyffart says. “They use the S&P 500, the Nasdaq 100—and they’ll use this.”

This is something advisers can buy, benchmark, and hold, no wallets or seed phrases required.

Why THIS is a Big Deal

Yesterday, we saw why the Ethereum staking ETF is a big deal.

Here’s why the indices are bullish for crypto:

  1. New Money Doesn’t Need to Pick Winners. Institutional investors can buy diversified exposure and let the market’s winners drive returns. No more guessing which altcoin survives.
  1. Inflows Get Supercharged. Bitcoin ETFs alone pulled in $150 billion in their first two years. Even a few billion into smaller coins via index funds could send alt prices soaring—because each dollar in ETF inflows means actual tokens must be purchased and held.
  1. Volatility Gets Tamed. As passive capital builds positions, crypto starts behaving less like a casino and more like an asset class. Indices create a floor of steady, long-term demand.
  1. The Inclusion Effect. Getting added to a major crypto index becomes the new holy grail. Just like a stock joining the S&P 500 sees a price bump, a token joining the top-10 index could see instant ETF-driven inflows.

And eventually, giant institutional index flows—pensions, sovereign funds, and endowments allocating 1–2% of portfolios into “crypto indices.”

 That alone could mean hundreds of billions in new demand.

The Next Frontier

This is where it gets wild. The DM50 is pretty standard. I’m betting we’re going to see some even more exciting indexes in the future.

  • Equal-weight crypto indices that give smaller coins a massive boost.
  • Sector ETFs for DeFi, gaming, or infrastructure tokens.
  • Yield-weighted funds mixing staking income and token exposure.
  • Active “smart beta” crypto ETFs that rotate into winners algorithmically.

While the basic benchmarks will get the most flows, these other products will give smaller coins a massive boost.

That’s where the future 100x opportunities live.

Transcend and Include

We’re watching crypto speedrun 100 years of market history in about 10.

But moves like this don’t replace the existing systems. They transcend and include them.

Bitcoin made crypto investable. Ethereum made it yield-bearing. Altcoin indices make it indexable.

Just like the S&P 500 turned chaotic stocks into a benchmark for global wealth, crypto indices will become the benchmark for the new rules of money.

And the more you pay attention to where the indices are headed…

The more you can frontrun the masses.

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